Your Blood is on Fire

Okay. So when I said tomorrow, I meant someday.

On Valentine's Day, I got a message from Allie:

"Hey Turbo! Happy Valentine's Day! Hope you're having a good time! Anyway, I know tomorrow is a work night, but I have something totally awesome in the works if you don't have plans. Trust me--it will be worth it!"

She sounded so excited, I was scared. I sucked it up and gave her a call back and when I heard the plan, I was definitely in!

Pam, who works at Allie's dad's office had won a "Ladies' Night Out" from a local radio station for ten ladies. She didn't have enough people who could go at such short notice, so she called Allie. She figured Allie would have a bunch of crazy friends willing to go.

I was the first person Allie called.

What does a Ladies' Night Out include? Let me tell you . . .

Just before eight, I pulled up to Allie's home and the limo was already there, trying to park. I ran inside to let everyone know. We waited for the rest of the ladies and then headed out to meet our driver for the night, Brian.

The limo was definitely a party vehicle. The passenger side had a whole setup with ice buckets and glasses of all sizes.

Cassie and I drank straight rum out of champagne flutes. Everyone else followed suit and poured their beers into flutes. Classy!

There were big cushy leather seats and I sat right by what I called "The Command Center." I had control over the radio and the windows. Unfortunately, I didn't have control over the laser light show beaming across the limo and into my eyes.

Brian took us to Club Rodeo. I had never been there before. In fact, I hadn't even heard of it. You'd think I might have known about it since they have bullriding on the weekends.

With a real bull!

Wearing our VIP tags, we waltzed into the club and sat right in front of the stage before the club opened. We were offered any food we wanted, but I wasn't much interested.

What I was excited about was the free drinks!

We sat around drinking, dancing and chatting as we waited for the big show. Jager Bombs and shots of tequila were ordered, which I had to sneak away from. It's not that I'm a pansy. It's just that those drinks wouldn't go well with my Black Russians.

Well, maybe I'm a bit of a pansy. It's not like the Starbursts I was drinking were good companions to the Black Russians, either.

Finally, some super loud music started playing and a dude jumped up on stage. He asked us if we were ready for the show.

"Yeah!" We shrieked.

"Take it off!" We demanded.

That's right. Ladies' Night was all about the strippers. He was Frank Anthony and this was a Perfect Ten Production.

As the poor guy tried to give us instructions on how we couldn't grab, we hooted and hollered and I screamed "Full Monty!"

He then informed us that there would be no full nudity.

"Boo!" I bellowed.

I have to admit, I was pretty excited. I had never seen male strippers live and up close, so it was a new experience. Plus, it was fun for us all to act like super horny chicks. I can't imagine the drinks helped us any.

Frank asked for a volunteer and one of our crew hopped onstage. He led her over to sit on a stool and then the music changed.

Out walked this big guy. We all went crazy, like we had never seen a man in our lives.

He started lyp-synching to a pre-recorded track, saying "Ma'am, I'm going to have to strip search you!"

You see, this guy was supposed to be a police officer. You could tell by his blue shirt, badge, black pants, black shoes and white socks.

White socks! With black shoes and pants! That is a giant pet peeve of mine. So he instantly was not my favorite stripper.

He finally tore his clothes off and the dollars started flying. We all yelled and laughed at each other. Then we started laughing more at him than we were at ourselves.

Instead of really working it, or ever even kind of working it, the guy just started rocking back and forth with his hands in what looked up two thumbs-up.

Pam, who won the "Ladies' Night Out" was disappointed, too. "I've never seen a black guy move like a white guy!"

I started feeling oogy. "This is just creepy, now," I whined.

After several excruciatingly long minutes, his gig was up and it was time for the next dude.

This time, the show was more what I thought it should be. He was dressed in a biker's outift; fringe and all! Everyone was really into him and his moves. He had a lot of tips shoved down (and up!) his shorts.

Now, we were really revved up and ready to go. It was no Chippendales or Thunder from Down Under, but it was good times.

When the "Born to be Wild" biker dude was done, Frank jumped back onstage and told us it was time for intermission. They all had to get ready for the last show.

"Last show? BOOOOO!"

Only three strippers? I was greatly disappointed. And I wasn't the only one.

Little did we know the show we had in store for us.

All three guys marched out in what were supposed to be flight suits to that big dramatic anthem from Top Gun.

They got up onstage and pulled out glowsticks and did this crazy synchronized arm waving. I think it was supposed to look like they were waving in a plane. I'm not even kidding. You can see in the above picture. It was one of the weirdest things I've ever seen.

Then, Frank whipped off his flight suit and revealed his military whites underneath. He saluted us and then they all lip-synched to "You've Lost that Lovin' Feelin'" and, after we got over our "What the hell?" reaction, we started singing along.

The two other guys left the stage and then Frank really started in. Click here to check out one of his best moves. If you dare.

And that was the end of the stripper action. The rest of the night ended up with us dancing to crappy music. The strippers joined us. Even Brian got in on the action.

Brian gave us a curfew of 11:00, so we all piled into the limo. We were tired, but that didn't keep us from begging him to take us to Old Town. He repeatedly refused.

All in all, it was quite an experience. If you'd like to see all the photographs, which include a lot of half-naked guys, click here.